“Since Peaches died…”

Peaches died, you guys. She fucking DIED. She’s DEAD! My big, sweet, beautiful, awkward, terrified, clumsy, loyal, old dog is NOT HERE! She’s not anywhere; she’s just gone. Forever. Do you understand that?! I will never, and I mean NEVER, get to see her or touch her again. I will never again get to press […]

But If I Did

“I don’t know what to do.” “I don’t know either.” We say it to each other, and mean it. This is new, for both of us. It’s something we both do not want to end, but it has to; the miles between us demand it. I cry to her on the phone. “Please tell me […]

Have you ever…

Have you ever been sad for a period of time, for whatever reason, and then start to feel a glimmer of happiness, but then your happiness reminds you of the last time you felt it, which was before whatever it was that made you depressed, so then you’re back to being glum? Yeah. That.

Love Them Anyway

I am still doing it. Yesterday marked one week. And still, I’m catching glimpses of her leash and thinking briefly, “The weather is so nice for our walk tonight.” I walk into my room, on a break from work, and think “I need to be quiet so I don’t disturb her.” Sometimes I hear her […]

TIME WILL TELL

It was three months ago today that I told him to get his shit and get out of my house. Three months ago that I felt that scalding pain spread over my body and set up camp for the month that followed. When the grief had not vacated after three weeks, I was certain it […]

Legacy

I had a dream about you last night. There were many parts to the dream, most of them quite blurry and difficult for me to recall.  But at one point in the dream we walked side by side; your right arm was across my shoulders and my left arm was around your waist.  “Have I […]

Flare

“I want you to remember,” she whispered in the dark. “What do you want me to remember?” it returned. “Remember ME!” she pleaded, terrified she had already been forgotten, then angry at the recognition that it still mattered to her at all. “All light looks the same to me. It just casts different shadows, and […]

Brushfire

He desperately wanted to hurt her. Not because she deserved it; if anything, the exact opposite was closer to the truth. But it was because he knew she deserved better than what he was willing to give. So instead of being better, he tried to convince her that he was the best she was ever […]

Ghost

“Why are you still here?” “What do you mean ‘still’? I was gone for a while.” “I know. Why didn’t you stay there?” *shrugs* “I didn’t want you to forget about me.” “You know that’s cruel, right?” “Yes.” “And you don’t care?” “No.”