Yesterday, after many, many months (close to a year, honestly), I spent several hours with one of my best friends. I cannot adequately express how much I appreciated and enjoyed that time with her. I’ve missed her so, so much and have a lot of sadness and regret over the time lost with her.
It wasn’t Covid that kept us apart for so long. It wasn’t that both of us just had so many other things going on in our lives that kept us isolated from each other, though that was true as well. It wasn’t physical location/distance either. What kept us removed from each other’s lives was misunderstanding, extremely poor communication, and pride.
You see, we had a falling out; the details in which I will not get into as they are in the past, and we’ve learned from them, and are committed to moving forward. This is actually the second time this has happened with us.
The first time was 11 years ago, when Marcy first came into my life. It took us about two years from the time we were introduced to each other to actually become friends. And once we did, once we got past those hurdles, once we truly started listening and learning about the other, our friendship blossomed into something many others have found quite strange and awkward. But we didn’t care because we loved each other, our families loved us and supported us, and it just plain worked.
What you need to know is Marcy is my ex-husband’s wife. She is my daughters’ stepmom (Bonus Mom). Even during both the times in our relationship where we closed the other off, I have always maintained that my ex-husband and my children were astronomically lucky to have her in their lives. I literally could not ask for a better second mom for my daughters. And how my ex-husband got so lucky TWICE with his wives will always just astound me *wink*.
Marcy is not perfect. No one is. She has made mistakes, just as I have, just as everyone has. She has regrets. She could tell you countless examples of times she wishes she would have done or said something differently. And I have a seemingly endless amount of examples for myself. But the thing with her, and me, is even if it takes us a while, we DO learn from our mistakes and we are eager to correct them and keep them from repeating. And we are both very forgiving, especially of each other, and especially of all the mothers, fathers, grandparents, etc., who have gone to bed every single night pondering their children and their futures, their families, the world, and what negative effects we’ve had on all of them and how can we make it better. It is A LOT to process and it is exhausting. So you have to be forgiving of yourself and others, you just have to, or the alternative becomes navigating all the bullshit on your own. You need a Co-Captain. Ideally, several. To either keep you on course, or suggest an even better route.
Having Marcy back in my life, and me being back in hers, brings me a feeling of gratitude I cannot begin to measure. I’ve already expressed it before in my blog how fortunate I am to have so many amazing friends and family members in my life. And Marcy is both; friend and family. She’s truly one of my very best friends and we’ve both missed co-parenting with each other these past months, so much so that our daughters should be mildly scared because we are going to have to make up for lost time. But truth be told, as much as our girls give us both shit for how long we will talk to each other or how many times we fight each other about “I’m paying for this. No *I’m* paying for this. Shut up, just shut up, I am paying”, they enjoy the friendship and banter between their moms just as much as we do. Well…ok, maybe not as much as we do because Marcy and I really do have a great time together and sometimes, mostly playfully, it is at the expense of our girls so I could see where they might not get as much enjoyment out of that as Marcy and I do. But still, they are much happier when all their parents are getting along, as to be expected.
Marcy, if you’re reading this (and you better be fucking reading this, you’re one of my best friends, goddamnit!), yesterday was so, so nice for me. It was like we picked up right where we left off and it literally brings tears to my eyes when I think about it. With all of life’s literal and metaphorical ups and downs, joys and sorrows, celebrations and failures, there is a chance that something could come along and separate us again, but I can assure you this: I will always, always try to find a way back to you. And I hope you always try to find a way back to me, too. I love you, my friend.