I’ve been wanting to write; the need is there, but the content has been hiding. Actually, that’s not true, as my mind is a never-ending swirl of thoughts competing for space at the forefront. The problem isn’t a lack of subjects I want to write about about. Instead it’s an overwhelming abundance of them that cannot organize themselves into coherent words for me to actually articulate, verbally or in written form.
“What the fuck, guys, get it together!” I scream at them. I order them to line up. I beg for structure.
They resist. They are out of control. As am I.
I pop in my earbuds and open up Spotify. It’s time for some musical motivation and something to calm my internal chaos. But I find the problem is here as well. The sheer volume of options makes my mind pirouette; that little ballerina in my head spinning so goddamn fast she is turning green and about to toss her breakfast Quest bar.
I settle on an artist I listen to when I want to feel pumped up and/or need to get up and exercise or complete some form of physical activity. This was a mistake as my thoughts have all now managed to choreograph a perfect dance routine that my body has zero chance of ever manifesting into something that doesn’t look like some kind of life threatening spasm.
I am giving up for the time being. I’ve decided I cannot expect anything close to orderly at this point, it will just have to wait. I will need to carry around a small notebook and pen at all times if I hope to capture a semblance of organization and focus amidst this tangle of Christmas lights in my head.
In the meantime, I’ll go shower and prepare myself for the rest of this beautiful day. The right words will come eventually, I’m confident about that, at least. Until then though….Merry Christmas!